Saturday, April 11, 2015

Emotional Seasons

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my emotions and feelings and specifically emotional seasons. I believe that just as the Earth goes through natural cycles that are marked by periods of hibernation, renewal, growth and change; we too as humans experience similar seasonal changes related to our emotions. 

I know that I, for one, have experienced periods of joy, sorrow, frustration, positivity, anger, happiness and more. These changes may or may not be linked to external factors such as the weather but more than likely it relates to internal struggles or epiphanies. 

Let me give you an example from my own life in terms of the emotional season that I'm currently wading through. 

Recently I've been experiencing what can only be described as an angry season. I've felt like I've had a very short fuse in regards to issues that really amount to very trivial things in the grand scheme of things. I recognize that I'm being irrational and needlessly irritated but even with this realization I still find myself quick to anger. What exactly is going on with me and what can I do about it?

These are the questions that have been rattling around in my brain throughout this current emotional season. I'm already starting in a good place in the fact that I'm self-aware enough to recognize what's going on. Ok, great, I know what's happening but why and what can I do about it?

As a side note I want to make it clear that I believe it's important to feel your feelings when they happen without trying to suppress them and without being too self-indulgent. It's a fine line I know and one that I'm still working to define but I think it changes all the time. 

Now I'm at point where the same issues that are making me angry are coming up time and time again and I've reached the point of self-indulgence. It's time to either accept or act. As that old saying goes: something along the lines of give me strength to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I cannot accept...? Or maybe that's my version.

Action time: I start with some personal explorations of the deep recesses of my brain, then I think back to what has been happening in my life lately and then I dig deeper to reveal the real reasons for my anger and frustration and then I tackle them.

So after much contemplation about my life circumstances and my feelings surrounding them I've realized that it all boils down to expectations. More precisely unmeet expectations. I've always enjoyed dreaming and planning for the future and as much fun as this can sometimes be, it also has a dark side; the anger, frustration and resentment that can arise from reality being incongruent with my imaginings.

I moved away from my hometown about a year and a half ago and in doing so I left behind many friends and most of my family. As much as moving away and being forced to take care of myself has been a good thing for me and finally forced me to be an adult, It has also been very hard. When I moved to the 'big city' I had a lot of expectations about what my life would look like and I realize now how childish those expectations were. 

I've always enjoyed imagining that my adult life would look like a friends or sex in the city episode but that's all it is; fun and fanciful imaginings. However, I think that deep down a part of me did expect my life to look all fun and shiny like the TV shows of my youth, and it does not. It may seem silly but I think it's important to hold onto the childish and youthful side of ourselves as adults and sometimes children are mini philosophers and sometimes they're quite silly. 

I guess this is one of those times where I have to remind my inner child that TV and movies aren't real and that reality is not the same but that doesn't mean it's worse. The thing about TV shows and especially movies is that they gloss over the everyday and sometimes boring things that make up life and in doing so make it seem like life should constantly dramatic. Honestly though, life can be so much better than these portrayals if we take the time to stop, look and appreciate. 

So how do I plan on getting over my angry season? I'm already starting to feel better having explored it and now written and shared about it. I'm going to lose the expectations and enjoy my current life. I'm going to make the best of my current situation and be pleasantly surprised by whatever life brings me. Honestly at this point in my life I'm enjoying the downtime, quiet and dramalessness that a boring adult life brings. 

As I feel the storm of my angry season lifting I'm looking towards the beautiful blue sky for the inevitable rainbow while enjoying and creating my uncommonly wealthy life. Cheers! 😊🌈